There are so many things I want to write about. So many things that I have strongly felt about, thought about and worried about. However, I’m finding it very difficult to put those thoughts into words. It is not as easy as it used to be. I used to just vent out everything and get done with it. But now, I’m trying to find a purpose. A purpose to my posts, so people can be educated and informed about things everybody goes through but rarely identifies as potential mind breakers.
If I have you sufficiently confused with my abstract introduction, pardon my flow of thoughts which I’m just translating into words. What I want to talk about here is – individualism and how it affects relationships, independence and expectation and how it is definitely set to hurt. My thoughts and observations are based entirely on my experiences.
People are becoming ever so individualistic. They are mostly called eccentrics and branded mad by the general society, which, if I come to think is fine by me. Now coming to independence, I understand that we are still getting used to the idea of children growing up and leaving homes to build their own. Expectations! Sigh! I don’t remember how much I’ve written about them. They are the stuff that definitely bring hurt. Yes, I know we cannot completely avoid the devil, however, isn’t it sane to notice the pattern and let things go?
And what is with the emotional blackmail that goes around every once in a while? “See I did all that for you and this is how you repay me?”, “You used to be such a nice person, when did you turn into a prude?”,”I brought you up to this level and this is how you repay me?”. Heard them often? Well, it gets to you more if it comes from close quarters, which it often does. Do people even realize it is emotional abuse when they make the other person feel bad about him/herself with their constant reminder of how selfish they are?
It happens with family and close friends usually. Parents or siblings blackmail into getting you to do what they want by reminding you of how nice they have been to you. Friends on certain occasion bring up the favour they did to you to get you to do something for them. Actually, it is not entirely bad or wrong. Until a certain extent, until you feel OK to do what they expect out of you, things will be fine. Once you start getting out of your comfort to make others comfortable is when all the trouble starts. You will be feeling bad about yourself, of how you are a bad person for hurting your close ones and you are also hurting yourself by doing something you really don’t want to.
How is it fair or even OK to tell a your children that you have birthed, fed and took care of them all these years and in exchange they need to do what you say and be what you want them to be. But trust me no parent will accept that they wan this for their children. It is “just this one thing”. If only you would marry this boy I saw for you. If only you would go to this particular college. There is always that one something that they complain about. And most of them make it very evident in their speech. I say we are just short of making agreement at birth that the child will abide to all the wishes/expectations parents will ever have, in return of being brought up in a respectable and nice household. Who wants to have kids for the joy of it?
Some people have a way of expecting dependence. They would want to depend on you for things and they would also want you to depend on them for things. Really? Why? If I’m perfectly capable of doing something on my own, I will insist on not taking anyone’s help. That doesn’t mean I’m keeping them out of my business. And even if I am, how is it wrong? I’m shifting house and not calling you for help means I can do it by myself. That and that only.
Every person is different, and to understand how each person’s brain works is impossible. It is not healthy to think of them as something they are not and then complaining about it. It is OK if someone is not behaving in a certain way you expect them to. It is OK to let go and just let them be. I’ve learnt that accepting a person as they are will give both the parties involved peace of mind and eventually happiness and learning to have a unique way of connecting with the said person. It might not be how you connect with everyone, but you connect, and that is what is important.