The road ahead is still a little foggy. I can see a few feet ahead and around me. After that it is thick and cloudy. It is scary to think of what could be there lurking in the haze, hiding from me, waiting to pounce on me when I happen to cross it. Not knowing what lies ahead makes me anxious. Yes, surprises are exciting, at times. But I like knowing what I would be in for. But that was a while back. Now, I know that it is me who decides what gets to be ahead of me. But before I make that choice, I need to clear the fog which is as stubborn as myself. May be because it is I who created it?
Let me back up. I’m talking about what happens in my head. Well, if you have begun thinking that I have gone nuts talking about a road in my head, this is just a glimpse or a fragment of the whole thing. I will not even attempt elaborating, except for what I have started already.
So, lets get on with the foggy road now, eh?
You see, the road is life, in my head. I try and visualize it. Not every night before sleep or I’ll just end up an insomniac. Just every now and then, to get some direction. I see choices as intersections, each having its own destination or leading to another intersection. Each road comes with its own bumps, potholes and all things you get on the road. They might be the same, they might not, I cannot know for sure until I’ve taken the road. However, I try to gauge the weather and conditions of my travel – if I have enough with me to make the journey, to prepare for the troubles that might come along.
It has been there for a while, that fog on my road, that simply refuses to lift. I have a strong suspicion that it might have been caused by me. You see, I believe most things in life are our choices. When you don’t choose one path, you would’ve invariably chosen the other. So I have a feeling that the fog is my choice. Now that I have started paying attention and desperately want to have some visibility, I HAVE to do something. Especially because I don’t just want to be.
For those who still haven’t figured out the mystery talk yet, I’m talking about uncertainties. I am not sure about so many things in life that it has startled me awake from my state of uncomfortable complacency. I’m not okay with being in my comfort zone; but like most, I fall into that trap pretty easily. It is easy to just be, instead of picking yourself, the baggage, getting on that horse called life and reining it (another of my many metaphors for life).
If you are thinking that I can take a pit stop when I just need a break, let me tell you there is no break in life. Life doesn’t stop. Well, you already knew that, but it just sounds good to read. It is like having those roller skates on your legs that won’t come off. You will keep rolling forward whether you like it or not. You can either just go where the road takes you, stumbling and falling or learn to skate well and go where you want to go.
So you see, I have an extremely strong feeling that it is soon going to be decision time, where I sit myself down for a long chat and take stock of things. Get inside my own head to see how I can find ways to lift the fog and choose what I see behind it. I need a great deal of strength, conviction and belief to make that happen.
Until then I have to just have to toddle along, seeing that I won’t fall into a bottomless pit of perpetual stagnancy.